An Unchained Woman: News & Info...

There are many ways to engage with An Unchained Woman. Join a chat group or even start one. We all come from different place, different life-styles and have had different experiences. No two journey's will ever be exactly the same. 

Sharing our own unique, individual experiences is a way we can learn from one another. We can support one another and share our knowledge, and knowledge is power. 

None of us should be or feel alone as we face the reality that we are actually victims. It takes weeks, month, years and sometimes even decades to acknowledge we are actually victims. It is not something we should ever feel ashamed to realize or admit. The damage that has been done to so many of us is not something that just happened overnight. Chances are it began with our abusers having once been victims themselves. That is where the cycle of abuse begins, early in their formative years and we became victims of circumstance or availability. Abuser seek out those they see as someone that can be manipulated or easily controlled. 

Finding our own weaknesses can be the well of our strength to draw upon. Many of us can identify that we may have had low self esteem, less confident, felt less than what "society" shows us as the perfect example or image we try to attain. Trying to measure ourselves by what other's dictate is a feat virtually no one can attain. The more we feel we need to measure up the more we bring our selves down. we retreat, we diminish ourselves, we fall into unhealthy patterns and can spiral in a myriad of ways. Sometimes it is all too easy to reach for ways to numb the ache and dull the noise in our minds. Drowning our misery and dulling the pain becomes an all too common theme. 

If you have found yourself struggling with substance abuse, please re-think your choices. Seeing the world clearly is the only way you will be able to clearly see when it's time to get out. 

If you are struggling with substance abuse check our our Resources page, help is available.

Domestic Violence vs. Domestic Abuse? 

Far too frequently and for far too long many of us have not even realized or recognized that we have been subjected to years, if not lifelong, domestic abuse.  

Domestic violence and domestic abuse are certainly partners-in-crime. Most domestic violence is more easily identifiable of the two. It is the insurmountable physical and clearly visible signs of bodily harm, cuts, scrapes, bruises and broken bones which as victims we become quite adept at "excusing away". That type of abuse is more commonly referred to as "domestic violence", physical abuse we can visibly see. Domestic abuse is more often than not something that most do not and can not actually see, even within ourselves. 

The  chant many of us can recall from our childhood of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" may have once been sage advice passed on to us by our well meaning parents to combat childhood bullying.  In today's society words have become weapons of war. We are now living in a world where words can be almost more damaging than a bruise, a broken bone or a black eye. 

The emotional build-up of mental tear-downs can and will eventually become more than a soul can bear. Psychological warfare is the type of domestic abuse that many do not recognize even when it's happening to them. 

You do not need, nor should you suffer in silence. Silence is not always golden, sometimes it can be deadly. 

Please check out our Resources page and reach out for help. 

Understanding what your partner is or has done to you is paramount. While sometimes we do not even realize we are victims and have even gone so far as to cover up for our abusers without even knowing we have done so. 

Once we have realized we are tangled in an Abusive or Violent Manipulation-ship... yes- Manipulation-ship..(let's face it - it was NOT a relationship)...  we do our best to emancipate ourselves and remove ourselves and our loved ones from that toxic situation. This very likely includes a lot of legal entanglement and more often than not a Protection Order or a Restraining Order. 

Despite the great words of one of this Country's Founding Fathers - Thomas Jefferson, who stated  that "all men are created equal", there is NOTHING EQUAL when it comes to dealing with an abusive trauma in the halls of justice. 

Recent studies (APRIL 2024), according to Find Domestic Violence and Abuse Help, Information and Stats , have shown that more than HALF of Restraining orders and Protection order are VIOLATED.

The phrase that any and many of us have repeatedly heard when enduring this futile process is

“It’s just a piece of paper…”

To read a full excerpt of a personal instance, check out this post on Quora...

and also on Facebook...

Understanding who you are &

what made you that way...

Saw this on Social Media group post and felt it was worth sharing....This is so incredibly true.... 

Having been virtually and really and truly "alone" from birth you begin understand what trauma is. Recent studies are just now identifying that babies separated from their mothers at birth have already suffered their first trauma. It being called "Pre-verbal Trauma" that as newborn infants, babies toddler and on simply do not have the physical, emotionally or physical ability to express this trauma or even understand it. Some infants may cry incessantly for no apparent reason, a child may lash out in tantrums and later in life suffer depression they can not identify the cause of. There is a lack of identity, loss of sense of self which leads to lack of self confidence, self esteem, self worth. People who have either knowingly or unknowingly endured this type of trauma, when asked directly later in life still often do not know that they have endured any type of trauma. 

Personally it took me nearly 40 years to admit that this was my introduction to trauma while I was still attempting to identify and reconcile that I had be suffering repeated trauma in my relationship/marriage which began when I became involved with my husband at the age of 12 and whom I married as 21 and subsequently left after 15 years of marriage. Despite decades of continued therapy, I denied Trauma.

 I did not 100% genuinely deny it but more questioned it. Questioning my own reality-that I had suffered compounding trauma, I could identify and isolate "periods" or episodes" of depression associated with the death of a parent, a relative, a close friend, a pet... but I refused to believe that my relationship and marriage was a decades long cautionary tale of "compounding and complex trauma".

 Although C-PTSD is not currently a definitive diagnoses that is recognized or identified in the DSM-5-TR, however it IS recognized in the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Problems (ICD-10). Having experienced and having lived an entire life this tangled web of repeated and compounding traumas of so many kinds, it is incontrovertible proof that not only does Complex PTSD exist. It also explains the direct correlation and evidence that people who have suffered this and any type of trauma inevitably suffer major trust issues with each and every person in their lives. With no sense of trust and not having known what it feels like to be "safe" is incredibly isolating. Very few are capable of understanding this fact. It is often too hard or complicated to try to explain to those who have not lived it. That is the bittersweet, brutal beauty of our being... none of us have ever lives the exact same life, or experience, our brains process things differently and uniquely. This also leads to the people who are in out lives, circles, spheres of who we consider friends, family, acquaintances to utter words that only victims of abuse, of any kind, to say..."why didn't or don't you just leave?"..... "why did you stay..?". They become almost insulting questions when as the victims feel and know what they do. It's just not that simple. We have been "trauma bonded" and our lives have been made up by a series of traumas. Sometimes trauma is the glue that has held us together and trying to work through the trauma is often more frightening because it is ALL that we know. We fear the unknown and therefore lose a sense of safety because we have never truly known our true self without the trauma's that have shaped us.

Find out how An Unchained Woman hopes to make a difference for women, children and families in the community and the lives of those we serve. We are committed to creating lasting change.

Have a question or want to get in touch? We'd love to hear from you. Contact us today and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.